She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
