I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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