The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
