Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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