This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
