Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
