I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
