Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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