Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
