She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
