Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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