If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
operation harelip BJ is a go
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I did not marry a roomba.
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