3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
