I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
