did you get engaged???
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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