My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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