Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
handjob tips. give me some.
this just has baby written all over it
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
