I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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