does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
