she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
