just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
