if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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