i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize