I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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