lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
