dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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