We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
And then my night got REAL pukey
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
