I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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