I want to have your abortion
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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