My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
