so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
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And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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