The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
