cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
