thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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