You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No subtext here. People are naked.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
