why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
