Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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