i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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