If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
