I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My liver just broke up with me...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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