I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
