remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
