You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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