he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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