My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
