Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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