I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
