I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
