I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
