I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
