don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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