1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
