You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
