This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
