Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Drunk is not a location!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
