theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
