i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
