Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
