i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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