Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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