he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
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He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
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future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize