I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
