that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
