I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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