she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
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he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
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I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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